Beauty or bladder - the nightmare of a window seat?
Awesome, you have scored the window seat as it’s like a VIP pass to get that Instagram-worthy cloud photo. Suddenly realised you’ve trapped youself in a human Tetris game of bathroom diplomacy as the stomach decides to do it’s best impression of a heavy metal concert. This is what happened on my last flight from Christchurch, New Zealand to Melbourne, Australia.
I was 37,000 feet above the ocean, wedged between a husband and wife and the airplane wall, desperately needing to escape to use the closest restroom. My bladder was staging a full-scale rebellion, and my seatmates next to me were in a deep sleep as both of them had their eyes closed like Sleeping Beauty.
Ended up asking to escape three times as the stomach was rocketing it out that after the third time I had made the decision not to return to my assigned seat until it was time for landing. After this experience I came up with some window seat survival tips that may help you for your next flight.
The Window Seat - Getting that Instagram-worthy photo flying over the Southern Alps of New Zealand.
Window Seat Survival Tips:
Develop ninja-like reflexes for bathroom escapes.
Master the art of the polite “excuse me” whisper.
Choose the middle seat. Nobody wants it anyway, which means you might get extra space, and you’ll become the unexpected hero of the row! Or just go for the aisle seat as it’s like you front row seat to the bathroom.
Wear loose clothes so you can be ready for anything, like the unexpected bathroom dash.
Every bathroom break is an opportunity for an impromptu leg stretch.
Book that exit row seats for extra maneuvering space as its perfect for those dramatic bathroom dashes.
Inform a flight attendant about your condition discreetly as they can suprisingly be helpful (this is what I had to do for my flight from New Zealand to Australia as they moved me to an empty row closer to the bathroom, but once I did this the stomach decided to settle like meditation music.
If you know your stomach is not feeling the best then give your seatmate/s a heads up by a simple “I’m not feeling great, might need to get up frequently” will work wonders as most people appreciate honesty over awkward shuffling that resembles a crab in destress.
Bring some anti-diarrhea medication for when the stomach decides it’s auditioning for “Survivor”.
